Why a Christian Justification for the Opposition of Gay Marriage is Bullshit

 

Christians are scared of sex but then I think more obsessed with it than others. If they weren’t, why would they care about gays getting married? It’s because they picture it. They say; `Oh no, gays can’t get married they do that’ and immediately they have Dame Edna and Sir Elton John in flamboyant pink wedding dresses felching each other on the altar. Of course once gays get married then we have the whole issue of them performing their deviant sexuality in front of `their children’ (in inverted commas because gays can never really have children, another reason why they shouldn’t be married, it’s unnatural.) Because if you’re gay,  and have sex with men, why wouldn’t you like having sex with boys? Every gay is one step away from pedophilia. (Not priests though, they’re fine.) Hey, if you’re sticking it to Sir Elton, why wouldn’t you want something a little more constricting, why wouldn’t you go for, say, Bieber?

“What were you doing when the world ended?”

“Shaving my balls.”

But why can’t gay people get married? They let John Howard get married which is clearly immoral and possibly illegal considering he was also allowed to reproduce – King Henry was married six times, think of all the lives that could have been saved if he’d married his page boy.

Repressing your sexuality is quite clearly very bad for you. Jeffrey Dahmer.

It’s the opposition to gay marriage that confuses me. I mean I kind of get the Christian reasoning, though there’s some other Levitician rules I’d like ‘em to bring back. ”If a woman intervenes in a fight between her husband and another man, and inadvertently touches the stranger’s genitals, her hands should be cut off immediately.”

When you read the Bible – which is at times a surprisingly funny read – rollicking , you might say – I recommend it – especially the Leviticus rules.

I like to imagine the scenario that made that prior rule a necessity.

They’re drafting laws – probably in Hammurabi’s place in Babylon, by the way; scholars think maybe God didn’t talk the whole bible out through Moses – sorry Mum – `Remember Bethany in the market the other day? Stepped in to save her pansy husband and grabbed the Cockle Fisherman’s Baals? Draft a law about that.”

“My only regret is we waited the whole day until we cut off her hands.”

“Right – change it to say `immediately.’”

The reasoning for the Christian’s saying no to gay marriage kind of makes sense, it does call it an abomination to be gay – apparently it’s better to let your daughters be raped that to let male strangers be butt-raped, for example – I mean a lot of the Christians have been brainwashed since childhood so you know, give them a break!

It’s a political party I don’t understand. Tony was brought up with ‘Christian Values’ (hate gays, assimilate black people, steal children, love your white neighbours etc)  and says `I think it would be morally wrong for gay people to be married.’ The question is, what’s the bigger immorality – being gay or having sex outside of marriage? Because these gay people are doing both, Christian Politicians of the Right, and I thought all sins were equal in the eyes of the lord (including lying, Christian Politicians of the right) so shouldn’t you let them be married so at least you’re knocking off one sin (please Dad, please Mum.)

Oh, but then, the Church thinks being gay means `having gay sex’ because we’ve all seen those people who think they can `cure homosexuality’ (just like those missionaries of the fifties in Australia who thought they could `cure Aboriginality’). These guys are usually repressed gays who are immensely sexually frustrated who might turn into sexual serial killers of little boys. (And that’s not a joke – they’re nearly all `brought up Christian.’)

So come on Tony. You’re not mum and the bible makes no sense in the first place, really it doesn’t, if you read it you’re like `I can’t believe Christians actually hand this out! This is psychopathic!’ (In the Old Testament for a long time there’s no Devil, just God; that’s right, God is good and evil. He kills people all the time. For just like, offering him grain instead of meat. Or if they stop believing in him (which Ok is pretty stupid on the Israeli’s part considering he’s always walking around the place) he goes and kills like a million of them. They’re like God, sorry man, we believe in you, he’s all, `ohhh, you’re my promised children’ and later they stop believing again, so he kills a million of them again!) Legalize it – you will look like a real wanker in the future if you don’t.

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5 thoughts on “Why a Christian Justification for the Opposition of Gay Marriage is Bullshit

  1. Great post! I like your thinking, and, as a gay man (OH the horror!), appreciate your forward-thinking and analysis! BTW, thank you so much for the follow, I have returned the favor and can’t wait to see your future posts! 😀 Jamy (or “The Abomination” or “The Demon”) ;-D

  2. Pingback: Christians Persuaded To Embrace Gay Marriage Are NOT Christians | Your Dog Wouldn't Like It

  3. Roger Leary says:

    I’m a christian, and unfortunately, no matter how well you may reason your article, I’m afraid I can’t agree with any article that says “the bible makes no sense in the first place” when obviously it does. How can the love of Jesus not make sense. Roger Leary

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